This ordeal that I am writing about may having nothing to do with travel, technically it doesn't, spiritually it has everything to do with it. Travel is a journey about the experience. The journey will teach us lessons in life whether we are looking for it or not. I am grateful I met a man a few months back in Miami through a mutual friend…
We talked on the phone occasionally, I enjoyed his conversation. He soon asked the question that I sometimes find awkward to answer. Did I have interest in him beyond a friendship? I was honest, I said there was no interest at the moment. However, I felt hey we're just talking on the phone, it's still fresh, maybe eventually I will. He then asked if I would see him whenever I had an overnight in his city. Sure enough, I eventually had an overnight in his city. I called him and let him know. However, it was a long day, my crew and I got in pretty late. If any of you know the true lifestyle of a flight attendant, it is not always pretty. A six hour workday can easily turn into ten or twelve hours easily. Throw in some mechanical delays, bad weather and there you have it, a recipe for a disastrous day of flying. I was beat! I called him and let him know I wasn't going to make it. I then had another overnight in his city a few weeks later and I let him know I would be there. Again I canceled, tired from another long day of flying. He was a bit disappointed, but we continued to talk on the phone.
Now fast forward, this guy, unbeknownst to me, reads my blog. I recently did a blog post “Give The Guy A Chance“, apparently he read it and sent me a pretty emotional and nasty text about it. I can't repeat all of the delightful words that he used. However, he felt that I had treated him so poorly over the past few months, by never giving him a fair chance to date me. He thought I was a hypocrite. I started to argue with him in my defense, but then it came over me, I could not be angry with him.
I realized there are so many of us walking around with anger and hurt. It could be emotional scars from a past relationship with a mother or father, wounds that never healed from a divorce, or even a boyfriend or girlfriend. In my case “a guy that felt I didn't give him a fair chance”. He told me I made him feel unattractive and like there was something wrong with him…he felt very neglected. There are so many of us harboring crippling emotions that don't allow us to grow or to move on from old wounds. He wanted me to feel the pain that he felt by sending me insulting text messages. It took everything in me to bite my tongue. But God quickens the spirit like the snap of a finger. I can't fix his past or why he became so angry, but I can take responsibility for my actions. Instead of being a part of the problem, I could be a part of the healing process. I thought about those times I visited his city and canceled on him, and how it probably felt. Actually, I began to think about every person in my past that I may have been hurtful towards. I felt I crossed paths with this guy because there was something that I needed to learn. It came over me, I needed to apologize to him and ask for God's forgiveness. I also needed to forgive myself for anyone else that I may have hurt unknowingly. To seek revenge, would be continuing the vicious cycle of pain that we continue to inflict on one another. We want someone to feel that pain of why a father may have left us as a child, we want someone to feel the pain of that brutal divorce, and in his case he wanted me to feel his pain of neglect. If I were to argue with him, I would be no different from any other emotionally wounded person wanting to continue the vicious cycle of transferring resentful emotions.
No I can't be responsible for fixing his past emotional scars. I truly feel this guy's behavior was totally uncalled for and was something of a deeper issue. However, he has to acknowledge that he needs help and wants to change. Before we begin to argue with a spouse, a friend, or even a stranger on the street, let us be mindful of our own actions. Maybe there was something that we did that could have caused a person to react with anger or to feel hurt. There are so many in this world that are emotionally broken, let us not be the one to continue that cycle of pain. Instead of pointing fingers or placing blame, let us be responsible for our own actions. Just imagine if each one of us could say I'm sorry or ask for forgiveness. It starts with me, it starts with you, let us help to heal each other, not be a part of the cycle of emotional pain. This guy may never know it, but he helped me to heal as well. I wish him well on his journey and hopes that he can heal from his past emotional scars.
What's on your mind? Do you feel there is something you did or said to someone that could be a part of a emotional cycle of pain? Have you said I'm sorry or have forgiven someone lately?
As always thanks for reading guys!
Pamilla The SoloTravelMuse